missvoltairine:

do you ever just get a vibe that someone has a crush on you and then you’re not sure if they actually do or if you’re just really really self-absorbed

proctalgia:

girls dont want you to be nice to them because they’re girls they want you to be nice to them because they’re human beings and you should be nice to everyone wtf is wrong with you

notchicken:

chekhov:

It’s -10 outside please stop wearing basketball shorts. We get It you’re straight

image

lardypoison:

hey my friend told me this joke *repeats clean version of text post to parents*

gamerspirit:

I can remember no greater childhood horror than a sibling tripping on the controller wire and watching in slow motion as your game system came crashing down

renfamous:

British Kitchen Nightmares: “The risotto is overcooked and your restaurant needs new lighting.”

American Kitchen Nightmares: “YOUR STAFF DOES DRUGS ON THE CLOCK, YOUR FAMILY THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE AND THERE’S A LIVE RAT IN MY FOOD.”

summonerjolan:

brommunism:

remember that once in the late 70’s a face character for pooh at disneyland was accused of hitting a child in the face on accident and so the dude came back to court after the recess in the pooh costume and answering the questions as pooh and fucking danced in the courtroom in order to prove that the arms were too high up to hit the kid and he was acquitted within 20 minutes

That’s some Phoenix Wright shit right there, I swear